DEEP

Our teens are looking for a place to hang out. Be a good sport about it. Have some healthy snacks around for them, let them play their music and make yourself available. You'll be surprised how many of their friends might need a listening ear. If this makes you really uncomfortable, it's your house and you have the right to enforce your rules. HOWEVER, be aware that this won't help the situation in any way. It WILL make them feel that you do not trust or respect them. Open communication is always a better approach.

Treat your child with honor and respect at all times. Constantly screaming at a child will damage their emotions and cause them to be insecure as adults. No one (including yourself), likes to be belittled. Discipline yourself to never belittle, mock or talk-down to your child. Respect their opinions and ask for them. When it's just the two of you riding in the car, turn the radio to their favorite station. If they like sports, go out of your way to get them involved and go to their games. If they are musical, pay for lessons and go to their recitals. If they win any awards, make a big deal out of it and take the whole family out to dinner in their honor. These are easy, fun things you can do for your teen that will cement a life-long healthy relationship between the two of you

At this crucial time in their lives, they're looking for someone to understand what they're going through. We all need understanding, but your teenager needs it a lot more than you can possibly imagine and he/she needs it to come from you. When they come home, stop what you're doing (no matter how important you think it is) and give them your undivided attention. Look them in the eye, discipline yourself to stay focused on them and what they're saying not  on what you're going to say, and guard your response to them. It's often been said that people need others just to listen. They generally don't need you to fix their problems for them (they'll figure that out for themselves), but rather they need someone who'll listen and empathize with them. This is what your teen needs from you. And if you don't give this to them, believe me, they'll find someone who will.

Teenagers deal with fear as a constant companion. Fear of the other kids, fear of fitting in, fear of their teachers, fear of being mocked or ridiculed...they don't need their parents adding to it. When they come home, their home should be their sanctuary away from these fears. A place where they feel safe and protected, where they find love and acceptance. When your child walks into a room, your countenance should light up with happiness to see them. Not with a jaded eye and questions of where they've been and what they've been up to. Unconditional love and acceptance is the greatest gift you can give them. One that will not only boost their confidence to face another day, but will also steer your relationship with them in a positive direction.

Children are like balloons. Fill a balloon with the right element, and up it rises. Fill it with the wrong element, and you’ll find it going lower and lower until it’s aimlessly bobbing along the dirt, being kicked around and trampled. Like balloons, we fill our children up with various elements as well. Fill them with the right stuff : self-esteem; a positive self-image; a high self-worth; love. Where do you think they’ll go? That’s right—they’re goi ng up! Just try to stop them if they’re filled  with the right stuff! On the other hand, take the right stuff out of them. Put in the wrong stuff , the stuff that weighs them down—negativity; guilt; self-doubt; feelings of inferiority (as we discussed in the previous section). Just picture the consequences of that in your head for a minute. Can children ever rise up and move on if we don’t fill them with the right stuff?  And more importantly, how do we know what we’re giving them IS the right stuff? Think about the many childre

When you are praising your child, be specific about what the praise is for. Children need to learn to evaluate their own success. When you are not specific, they have a hard time understanding exactly what it is they have done well. Being specific can be hard to do every single time we are giving our children a compliment. There will be many times you don’t even hear half of what your child is telling you and you simple say, “Good Job.” We are not pe rfect, it happens. But try to be specific as often as you can remember to. Instead of telling her, “Good job cleaning your room,” you might say, ‘You did a very good job putting all your toys where they go. Your room looks great, thank you.” Another example could be, “I am so happy that you cleaned up the juice you spilled, and thank you for putting the dirty clothes into the laundry.” Remember to tell your child thank you. Your child will know that you appreciate what she does and in return she will want to continue pleasing you. U

Some parents think that love means revolving their lives around their children. They are helicopter parents. They hover over and then rescue their children whenever trouble arises. They ’ re forever running lunches, permission slips, band instruments, and homework assignments to school. They ’ re always pulling their children out of jams. Not a day goes by when they ’ re not protecting little junior from something  — usually from a growing experience  — he needs or deserves. As soon as their children send up an SOS flare, helicopter parents, who are ready hovering nearby, swoop in and shield the children from teachers, playmates, and other elements that appear hostile. While today these  “ loving ”  parents may feel they are easing their children ’ s path into adulthood, tomorrow the same children will be leaving home and wasting the first eighteen months of their adult life flunking out of college or meandering about  “ getting their heads together. ”  Such children are unequ